Policy & Practice | Winter 2023

to say something to the effect of— wow, that sounds like a lot, and I am sorry you’re going through that. I don’t know how to help with much of that, but for the next 10 minutes, I am going to stay with you on this call while we get your SNAP paperwork sorted out, so together, we can take that off your plate. Do you have any idea what that would mean to me? That would mean that not only do I see you as a part of my community, but that you see me as a part of your community as well. And those words, that small action, shows me that you care. So the systemic change and the cross systems partnership that I am offering here is simple. I need you to stop seeing me as “other” and to start seeing me as part of your community. We are in this together. We both need help. We both need our communities to step in. We both need space to be human. This is the paradigm shift that I respectfully offer to you today. Self-care is an issue of privilege. Community care is how we all survive long enough to thrive.

Has society really evolved to a place where every human needs to pay someone to listen to them talk honestly about their day? Not everyone needs a social worker or a therapist on call for them 24/7. Sometimes we just need a human to hold space for us for 120 seconds. Giving me a gift certificate for a massage isn’t enough. It has never been enough, and it never will be. We all need friends to sit next to us while we fold laundry or boil water or cry or laugh at ridiculous memes. We all need people to call or text us out of the blue to ask how we are doing, or to just say, thinking of you today. We all need people to forgive us for not responding to a message in a timely manner and message us again. Why? Because I am not ghosting you, I just forgot to respond. Or didn’t have the bandwidth. We all need people to show up and offer to help before we are so far down the hole that we can’t find our way out. And yes, those of us who are your customers sometimes need someone

All of the well-meaning people reminding me to drink water have no idea if I have access to clean drinking water. Those who tell me to get more sleep don’t know that I can’t shut off my brain from all the worry. I wonder if those who tell me to go for a drive so I can have alone time are offering to feed and bathe my kids so I can do that. And this isn’t only real for us, your customers; this is real for many of you as well. I have spent most of my adult life working to help others. When I come home and need to talk about my day because it was rough, nobody lets me. My friends and family tell me to have boundaries and to leave work at work. I have no opportunity to process the stories I spent all day listening to. There is not even enough time to take a break while at work to vent to a coworker. There is no space and no time to be human. This leads to com passion fatigue (the fancy new term for burnout). This leads to loneliness and helplessness. It can be crushing. Under the guise of self-care, we are all left alone.

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Winter 2023 Policy & Practice